What Could Be Better

Possibly My Favorite Song I've Written

I was laying in my bed thinking about some stuff. A song I wrote a little over a year ago. It has no name but here are some of the lyrics:

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The cool crisp air ignites a fire in my soul
And memories of you on that cold December night

The moon shines brighter when I think of everything
You mean to me my love

You're holding me while i'm kissing you
This sweet sensation fills the air we breathe
and I can barely sing

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It's funny how the most perfect of nights are complimented with the most beautiful stars and the brightest moon.

A Poem

While looking for the lyrics to the previous song, I found this poem that I can't really remember if I wrote or not. But i really like it. The file I found it in was labeled November 21 of 2005.
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My pillow.

Enveloping me in your soft folds of comfort.

Eyes closed, your gentle caress soothes my concerns
and carries my thoughts to a bed of pure contentment.

Completely satisfied, I lay in your sweet embrace,
longing to remain indefinitely.

This is love.

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Should I Be This Honest?

The last five months have been very difficult for me. You have hopes and dreams of the years to come and then everything changes in a minute and you're left blindly finding your way. What's even more upsetting is when you're hopes and dreams are perceived as lies. What do you do when someone takes what you hold dear and to be true and throws them to the ground shattering them in a million pieces? There is no worse feeling on earth. Depressed doesn't even begin to explain what my heart has felt the last five months of my life and a lot of people probably haven't even noticed it. I am the King of faking how I feel. Sometimes I don't even have to fake it. I'll be hangin out with some of my best friends and enjoy two hours of hilarious laughter and heaven on earth. But the pain of circumstance always overshadows my life no matter how well things might go over a 1-2 day time span. I'm at a point of my life where I am making a lot of money and am paying off the majority of my bills. In a few months i'll be debt free besides my car. Who can say that? But despite how amazing that is...it gets overshadowed. It's mind boggling just thinking about how one negative circumstance can cancel out everything I have going for me in my life right now. For now I just have to wait out these feelings. It's probably the worst i've felt all my life. Considering the way I feel right now, I must be careful how I invest myself emotionally. I really need to regroup and refocus.

How Much Does This Suck?

Lately i've been working really long hours. This week I will work a total of 65 hours and had to work last Saturday and will have to work the next two Saturdays. Anyways, my whole point to all this is i've had no time to go shop! (besides going to buy my new TV on New Years Day) What drives me even more crazy is I can pretty much shop for free. I have gift cards to: Hollister (I just had to look at my jacket to check the spelling on that...ha), Journeys, Sharper Image, Northpark, Old Navy and Wal-Mart (which i'll probably use for gas). I'm pretty patient though...I guess I can wait.

Cool Pictures

I was looking through my pictures from over the years tryin to find a good one of my lowered S-10 I used to have. That's right...I was a cruiser. Anyways I found a picture of me and David leading worship for the youth one wednesday night. He was 17 and I was 18. There's not telling how much I sucked at singing back then! When I was 15 I decided I wanted to play guitar and sing. It took a long time for me to eventually become halfway decent at both. Hopefully i'm improving by the day. Those were the days. David and I haven't hung out in quite a while now...miss that guy.

Can I Have a Do-Over?

That's Life

Sometimes I get so frustrated with life. Frustrated with people. Frustrated with circumstance. Frustrated with moral issues. Frustrated with stupid mistakes. Frustrated with decision. I think a lot of this frustration is birthed in an inability to achieve perfect happiness. It's difficult to accept that that will never occur here on earth and when you come to that reality it drives you insane. Because then regret sneaks in and reminds you of how this decision and that decision could have guided you closer to that perfect happiness.

Don't Let Me Forget

If i'm ever selfish or self-centered, procede to slap me in the face. When you're on the other end of this vicious current, it really sucks...bad. I realized lately through experience that I have to make a dedicated effort to build relationships and focus on all aspects including spiritual. I'm so tired of surface level relationships that don't seem to be effective in moving forward. I seem to be stuck in the same junk and not getting anywhere. Maybe I just need some change. I'm sorry if i've ever been selfish and sorry if i've ever caused pain. Call me out. Let's make amends.

Baptized

I got baptized Sunday. I had been saved for 5 years now but I never was baptized. I moved on to Faith shortly after I got saved. Indecision on whether I was gonna join faith the first year or so and pride led me to keep putting it off but I finally got the nerve to get it done. I hope that in Baptism some of those dark parts of my heart will be buried and i'll be raised to walk in a new life.

New TV

I'm no doubt excited about my new TV. 32" Samsung LCD Flat Panel with a built in HDTV tuner. It was a nerve racking decision. I had about 5 different TV's I was looking at knowing I would be keeping this TV for years to come. It'll be a great TV to hang on the living room wall when I buy a house later this year. Exciting.